10 Things I hate about LeBron James

With the Suns losing this weekend, the NBA Playoffs are in LeBron James' hands. If he becomes Superman and lifts the Cavs to a victory, then the NBA could pull some decent ratings. Unfortunately I'm less than confident that LeBron can submit the minimum of 4 superhuman performances required for the Cavs to escape this round. I also think the Pistons are a smart enough team to see what the Spurs did to Steve Nash, and how it ended up affecting the series. I think one of Jason Maxiell's elbows has LeBron's name on it and he wont be able to shake it off like Nash did.

Not to mention, I've been waiting patiently for four years for LeBron to step it up. This season was my breaking point, I hate LeBron James. These are my reasons:

1. He's not clutch
After the Nets had gone on a 14-0 run in the third quarter and LeBron
came back in the 4th and the Cavs facing a deficit, LeBron did what all the great do: took a pass from the point guard and stood on the wing quickly darting his head back and forth. Once the game was in hand, LeBron decided to turn it on and pad the stats. To be fair, I'm pretty sure Flip Murray might be the best player he's run with over the last two years and Carlos Boozer decided to abandon him for the whiter pastures of Mormon fraught Utah (which speaks volumes about the city of Cleveland).

2. He hasn't called for Doc Rivers' head
I have to assume that if the Global Icon spoke up, Doc wouldn't cancel practices to check out his son play 4mpg for Georgetown anymore. Although, if he wanted to do something about his current coaching situation first, I would forgive him. At least Doc Rivers has a good "let's go!" clap and he smiles like a Mongoloid after a bad call. Mike Brown looks constantly overwhelmed. Nothing about the man inspires confidence and he looks like he could curl into a ball and start sobbing at any moment. Cavalier brass should just put him in one of those jumpers that you put a baby in. I've never seen a baby look concerned while bouncing around in one of those.

3. He doesn't dominate inferior competition
I understand the whole "save yourself for the playoffs" mentality, but when your 6'8 245 and the average guy who's guarding you is 6'6 210, through physics alone, you should be able to do some serious damage everynight.

4. He makes me hate Kobe Bryant less
Congrats LeBron, you may not be able to get a shot off with the game on the line, but you can make he hate a guy who raped a girl and then minutes later attempted to throw one of the 5 best Centers of all time under the bus a little less.

5. He re-signed with Cleveland
You could probably blame Isiah Thomas for this one. If he hadn't been busy trading any asset he had for the likes of (according to my main man Tommy Heinsohn) "fat" Eddy Curry, you could have created some cap space and compiled some lottery picks and LeBron would have walked to MSG. Now Cleveland fans are into the whole "he re-signed with us! He's going to be a Cavalier for life!" mindset. Now they get to watch him carry a team of corpses to the Eastern Conference Finals for 3 more years and just as he's reaching his peak, promptly leave town.

6. He cares as much about his Microsoft stock as he does about basketball
"I think I've grown as an individual and a businessman," and my free throw percentage has regressed to 70%!

7. He jumps around like Ronnie James Dio before tip-off
You've seen him do it, and if you haven't, watch Sportscenter. They've made the conscious decision to show his "slap powder on his hands and get the crowd psyched up" routine before every Cavaliers highlight. The man who's tried to ruin Black Sabbath for the past 27 years does the same thing on stage. God I hate Dio.

8. He doesn't play defense
LeBron is such a liability defensively that the likes of Eric Snow and Ira Newble have gotten bit time minutes for the Cavs. If he could cover this up by playing better help defense that'd be one thing, but that's not the case. At this point in his career and with his athleticism, he should at least be an average defender.

9. He doesn't wear those cool stickers that cover his tattoos like he did in high school anymore
This one's selfish on my part and probably varies based on your opinion, but I think LeBron needs a better ink man. Shaq's Superman tattoo leaves an impression. I don't even know what's going on with LeBron's ink. Unless his rationalization is, "I was in Vegas, I had been up for 50+ hours, was drinking grain alcohol and experimenting with peyote" then I just don't get it.

10. He's not MJ
Competition seems to be like crack to Michael Jordan. Between his multiple comebacks, his attempt to play baseball and his affection for card games, Jordan wants to beat someone in anyway that he can. There's still time, but right now LeBron seems to have no motivation or reason to crave competition.

As my associate jbg pointed out, Jordan was cut from his High School basketball team which motivated him. I agree, but I also think that it has more to do with the fact that LeBron grew up 20 years later and things have completely changed for High School basketball players. I first heard about LeBron James when he was in 9th grade, I've known about Greg Oden for about as long and I first heard about OJ Mayo when he was in elementary school. Its been written about ad naseum, but with the current system, players competitive spirit is slowly diminishing. Its not just LeBron, its everywhere. Fans care way more then the players do. Perhaps a Jason Maxiell flying elbow would....

I'm also pretty sure he's responsible for all the missing bees. I'm still piecing it all together and don't want to be libelous, so I'm holding back on that one for now.