I feel good about this week. I mean really good.

QB Matt Shaub HOU - $5.50 ($ 0.17 per point! He's my guy for the duration)
RB Adrian Peterson MIN - $8.42 (All day AP. We all know that every year a couple of rookie
backs have a great season. If he doesnt have a devastating injury like he seemed to have been
plagued with throughout his career at Oklahoma, then he could be an exciting player to watch
on a terrible team. Cap space courtesy of the DEF)
RB Najeh Davenport PIT - $ 6.25 (I was thinking about going with Kenny Watson, but he's
playing NE, and I wouldnt get a chance to mention that he's The Dump Truck)
WR Nate Burleson SEA - $ 5.82
WR Shaun McDonald DET - $ 6.08 (Detroit what, scum!)
WR Roddy White ATL $ 6.36 (Looks like he's Joey Harrington's guy for now. Great.)
TE Jason Whitten DAL $ 7.46 (One of the best TEs this season.... except for Antonio Gates
who will have 150 recs this season)
K Mason Crosby GB $ 7.61 (Cheapest kicker out there, FYI)
DEF New Orleans $ 6.36 (Cant score negative points on a bye!)

Stop me before I write again

If you listened closely enough on Tuesday September 18th at roughly 12:15pm you could actually hear every ounce of sanity fleeing from Greg Easterbrook's body. In case you missed it, the NFL is doomed! DOOMED!!! and its all a certain hooded sweatshirt wearing coaches fault.

In any case, I'm sure that this is all the Jew's fault, right Greg?

The (Week 2) Champ is here!

After doubling his total points, I feel like I have a mental edge over the G-Man now.

M. Schaub (Hou - QB) $ 5.67 - I hate myself for missing him last week when he would have cost 3.50. I deserve it though for trusting Alex Smith. My Stepfather is a 49ers fan and he is so dumbfounded and confused by Alex Smith that he looses the ability to use nouns whenever I bring him up. (Since John also took him, I reserve the right to switch over to Kellen Clemens if he's starting for the Jets this week)

Ad. Peterson (Min - RB) $ 7.12 - Someone in the Vikings organization while looking over Brad Childress' resume should have noticed that the man hasn't produced a home grown WR ever, even though his employers have expended multiple high round draft choices on that particular position. The fact that the Vikings are not running the ball 60 times a game when his current starting QB wouldn't have even been able to lead Notre Dame to anything better then an 0-3 record baffles me.

L. White (Ten - RB) $ 4.71- I really wanted to try to finagle a way to get MoJo in this spot because I think he's as cheap as he's going to be at 11 bucks this week, but have you ever noticed that Jack Del Rio looks like a traumatized lesbian who just watched her partner and the rest of their family unit be brutalized over the span of 4 days? That doesn't bode well for Maurice Jones-Drew. What does this have to do with LenDale White? Absolutely nothing.

W. Welker (NE - WR) $ 5.80- Token Patriot, plus I still don't trust Randy Moss to not have another freak out in traffic.

Ca. Johnson (Det - WR) $ 6.26- In case you didn't know, the Lions are touched by God.

R. Curry (Oak - WR) $ 6.44- Proof positive that Michael Vick would have made for a better RB or WR.

V. Davis (SF - TE) $6.35- Alex Smith is his QB, so unless he breaks a 2 yard check down 50 + yards, I'm getting nothing out of him. That being said, I feel my Stepdad and I need more to talk about, so complete and utter disdain toward Alex Smith is a good place to start.

N. Folk (Dal - K) $7.42- He's the cheapest kicker available and because of that he'll remain on my roster for the rest of the year. I don't care if he dies on the field, if no other kicker in the league drops below his price, he's my guy for the duration.

Washington (Was - DEF) $ 7.58- Why? Because they're better then the Giants D, thats why.

Go face yourself G-Man enjoy your Gansters Paradise.

Welfare FFBall Week 3 (of the season, I know this got started in Week 2)

Well, the Cheap Bastards may have gotten touched up a bit, but we had a good week of practice and our install on Wednesday went well.

As follows is the line up as well as some of the inner-machinations behind the decisions -

QB Matt Schaub HOU - $5.67 (he may not be the prettiest guy at the dance, but he will put out. And he's cheap. Wait - Andre Johnson's not playing? F$#@. Oh well, at least he's cheap.)
RB Brandon Jackson GB - $5.09 (had a bad week last week and some guy named DeShawn Wynn is getting his goal line snaps - which caused him to go up to $40 in our FA Auction in my office leauge. Good times. But Im still sticking with Jackson, Im not one to jump off a leaky ship.)
RB Cedric Benson CHI - $ 6.93 (unless thats Marcell Shipp. Cutting Tavaris Jackson left me with a mess of cap space, so I went out and grabbed Ced. He's going against the 'Boys D who allowed the G-men to run up and down on them in week 1 and have the 26th ranked D in the NFL)
WR Jason Avant PHI - $ 5.54 (No idea who he is, but he averaging a point per $1. Which in the welfare leauges is like getting a beej after taking a date to BK)
WR Calvin Johnson DET - $ 6.26 (Up in value $0.75 over last week!)
WR Antwan Randle El WAS - $ 6.02
TE Jason Whitten DAL - $ 7.46
K Mason Crosby GB - $ 7.61
DEF NY Giants - $ 8.79 (I thought about sticking with the Jets this week, but Im having trouble justifying keeping a DEF that has negative production.)

Til next time, keep your nose to the grindstone...

The Team that's going to decimate the G-Man

QB A. Smith (SF - QB) $7.44
RB Ad. Peterson (Min - RB) $7.49
RB B. Jackson (GB - RB) $5.17
WR W. Welker (NE - WR) $5.92
WR Ca. Johnson (Det - WR) $6.26
WR R. Curry (Oak - WR) $7.37
TE E. Johnson (NO - TE) $5.29
K N. Folk (Dal - K) $7.42
DEF Washington (Was - DEF) $7.58
TOTAL: $59.94

Welfare Fantasy Football

On an average day during football season, John and I spend about an hour talking about fantasy football on some level. I can't speak for him, but I would guess that I spend another 2 hours reading or thinking about football that on some level correlates to fantasy football. This normally isn't healthy, but when you sit in an unholy box that is commonly known as a cubicle, I believe its a means to keep us sane.

With this in mind, I had an idea that we should start a league using Yahoo's Salary Cap Fantasy Football but with the twist that we can only spend 6o million of the allotted 100 million that you are given. Thus we would constantly be searching for bargains and conceivably providing advice for those who are looking for waiver wire bargains every week.

John is currently living in 1995, listening to some Coolio and debating getting internet access, so I have to post his roster and rationalizations for his picks,

"

Hey, So Ive got my lineup set…here is the Cheap B@$st@rd$ Week 2 lineup

QB - Tavaris Jackson MIN $7.55 (at Detriot, need I say more?)
RB - Brandon Jackson GB $5.17 (against the Giants who last week got crushed by the 'Boys. There also arent many feature backs in his price range)

RB - Marcell Shipp ARI $5.41 (I really struggled with this spot, 5.40 is a good price for a legit #2 back, also in that price range were Michael Turner (going against the Pats) and his counterpart across the sidelines this week Mo Morris. Tie-breaker - He's from the U(Mass)

WR - Dwayne Jarrett CAR $4.66 (best bargain in wideouts…I might have to wait on his production because he is a rookie and playing on the same field as Steve Smith, and when he does have his break-out game he will immediately become too expensive, but that upside is tantalizing)

WR - Calvin Johson DET $6.26 (see above)
WR - Antwan Randle El WAS $6.65 (had a big week last week against the Miami with 162 yards in the receiving, plus he is a threat for some chicanery on trick plays)

TE - Bo Scaife TEN $5.90 (I'll be honest, I just like his name which has been endeared by my longstanding affinity towards the Dukes of Hazzard)

K - Mason Crosby GB $8.31 (he's a big boy and I'd really like to see his range with the NFL ball. Also, he reminds me of Hoss from another one of my favorite TVLand shows: Bonanza!)

DEF - NYJets $9.62 (tough call here, they got tooled on by the Pats last week and I think it does a disservice to the talent on this team. Also you have to love the match up against Baltimore who had 6 turnovers against Cinci last Monday Night.)"

I'll be posting my lineup tomorrow. I'll go ahead and state for the record now that I was planning on purchasing both Brandon Jackson and Calvin Johnson when I first thought of this league, so I'm not ripping him off. As evidence I submit exhibit A which should corroborate my fantasy football knowledge.

FACE!!!

Note to self, never ever, ever, ever mess with the Humane Society.


OWNED.

This Blog is Back!

The FJP returns from summer vacation to greet its reader(s?) with some cool summer fun stuff.

Here’s an idea to revamp the now-disgraced NBA Playoffs: Blaise Pascal was a French mathmagician who devised a way to determine odds…of things…such as what would the odds of a basketball team coming back to win a best-of-seven series after dropping the first. His formula considers the possible outcomes of the remaining games as. However, it also has to count the outcomes of games that would not necessarily be played…like in a sweep. Well, why not make them play the extra games after the series has been locked up. More games, more chippy performances and shoddy refereeing, more fights in payback games, more bitter conference rivalries could make the regular season mean something, and slowing down a team’s momentum will make the playoffs less predictable.

I got to thinking about this while reading Against the Gods by Peter Bernstein. In explaining Pascal’s above theorem, the Frenchmen himself said of people who do not allow a series to be completed, “it is absolutely equal and immaterial to them both whether they let the match take its natural course.”

The Daily Puppy: Online journal of cute puppies.

Cost of Living Wizard: Restless? Feel like packing it up and hopping the next funky flight to sunny Pittsburgh; leaving your one-stoplight town in the dust? But what about a job and my comfortably modest post-college standard of living? See how expensive where you live and work is to where you could move to. Making 40k a year in Manhattan? You could have same apartment and drinking schedule in Utica for $15,000! Are you kidding me, I bet you have to wear a suit to work in the city. You could be stoned and working behind the counter of the gas station next to Turning Stone and make 15k.

Football’s coming back: On a lighter note, with talk of fantasy drafts and training camp in the air, oh how can you wait to hear the first “Who Let the Dogs Out” chant when the Falcons go on the road… with Joey Harrington gutting it out.

But while we’re on the subject, let's go to the undergraduate world of football where the FJP Sports Editor had an idea on how to fix my beloved Syracuse Orange. Step one: fire Greg Robinson and replace him with Dick MacPherson’s son (check on existence/availability). And secondly, use helmet stickers as a recruiting ploy. Now I think this is right up the Cuse’s alley. How many fake traditions has Syracuse tried to start in the last 5 years, this shouldnt be any different? The FJP gives its express support for this idea provided that the stickers be of actual oranges. Enough tip-toeing around this one, if the team is going to be the Orange, the community needs to go all the way and become the OJ-drinking capital of the Northeast

Run away Yi!

For his own safety, I think Yi Jianlian should sign a contract with the Milwaukee Bucks post haste. The Chinese seem to have made it abundantly clear that they do not appreciate people F-ing with their money.


On another NBA Summer League note, I am anxiously awaiting Tommy Heinsohn's first comments on Brandon Wallace (signed a 2 year deal yesterday, say goodbye to Allan Ray and his weak eye sockets). No video on him yet, but here's a bio.

On this Independence Day, the FJP Reminds You to Live Free or Die

Maciavellian Mofo:
Patrick Leahy, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee appeared on Meet the Press yesterday. At topic was the stonewalling by the White House and Justice Department regarding emails about firings of US Attorney’s. But the broader issue is the Bush Administration’s flagrant flouting of their accountability and a lack of effort to even appear transparent. The most recent case involves VP Dick Cheney’s assertion that he is not subject to a presidential order to turn over records to the national archives because he is not a member of the executive branch. Cheney believes that his role as the President of the Senate makes him a hybrid between an executive and a legislator.

Cheney has been one of the most secretive politicians in history. Since his early and continued refused to name members of his energy policy task force, Cheney has made it his mission to subvert the transparency that is so critical to the success of democracy. Patrick Leahy’s comments from Sunday suggest that at least one man has had enough, and wants to ensure that future executives do not presume they have the right Cheney’s dangerous precedent sets.

In case you missed MTP, the previous weeks episode can be viewed on MSNBC’s website.

Also, check out this blistering editorial from Sunday's NYTimes.

Senatus Populusque Americanus
An interesting article in the NYTimes yesterday details the startling comparisons between America and the Roman Empire. This quote aptly sums it “parallels between Rome’s imperial predicament and what he sees as ours: the problems of a vast, multiethnic nation with a messianic view of itself and an often simplistic view of the rest of the world, stretched too thin beyond its borders and facing mounting challenges within them.”

Mitt Romney caught riding dirty
Part of the primary process involves vetting candidates’ histories and revealing some of the more embarrassing and supposedly character revealing episodes. For the love of god, please read the description of the incident.

Draft Bio: Folding Chair

Folding Chair
F/C - 3-6' - 8 lbs. - Age: 28
MADE IN: Taiwan

Similar Player: Oliver Miller

Notes: Chair first gained notoriety defending fellow international prospect Yi Jianlian during his first pro workouts. Though it may have been forged, markings on the back of the seat indicate this model to have been manufactured in 1979. Chair averaged 0ppg, 0rpg, 0bpg, 0apg, 0.3spg & 0tpg for the Siberia Fighting Scamp's.

Positives: A sturdy, flexible & long player, Chair is extremely versatile and is able to adapt to many different environments. Lead the league in charges taken last year and is very attentive. Held Yi Jianlian to 46 points on 23-29 shooting. Good positional defender & takes care of the ball.

Negatives: May not be mobile enough to adapt to the NBA style of play. Chair's manufactured date may be forged in an attempt to hid his age, which would lead to questions of longevity and durability. Not a factor offensively. Height may become an issue.

Summary: Given his superb defensive performance on Yi Jianlian, Chair's stock has risen. He could prove to be the best International player to come out of this draft. He should go somewhere in the range of the first 8-16 picks in the 2007 draft.

So, How's Your Blog?

RIP Rod Beck:

From the San Francisco Chronicle: “Former Giants closer Rod Beck, whose spirit flowed as freely as his long hair, and who intimidated hitters with a Fu Manchu mustache and an even more menacing split-finger fastball, was found dead in his Phoenix home Saturday. He was 38.”
And from Sons of Sam Horn: “Rod "Shooter" Beck is probably best remembered for serving up a 10th-inning meatball to Bernie Williams that cost the Red Sox the first game of the 1999 ALCS.”

Thoughts on the NBA Draft:
There are tons of rumors flying about the Celtics trading the 5th pick in tomorrow nights draft. I won’t speculate on anything except for this…if they decide to keep the pick I hope the C’s take Yi Jianlian. My comment to a friend that “if they're going to be bad, we might as well have a big, funny, Chinese guy” led to his reply that I should stop getting $h!tfaced with Danny Ainge.

Freakonomics Guys Can Read My Mind:
Alert nucker Deebs Mullen forwarded me today's post on the Freakonomics blog. The class divide between Facebook and MySpace is something that I had been wondering about for sometime. It follows that Facebook would tend to be more white and more upper class than MySpace because it was founded on virtual college campuses (disclosure: I have never been on MySpace…one of the main reasons why I never commented on this topic), and now there is research to back up this assertion.

Freakonomics is a great book about the relationship between economics, society, and psychology. The blog and occasional series in the NYTimes Mag is written by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner.

This Week's Dish...

A Dirty Hippie By Any Other Name:
An article last week in the NYTimes exposed the freegan (free + vegan) movement. Urban dwellers from diverse ages and backgrounds are beginning to dumpster dive (a process they refer to as waste reclamation or urban foraging). While true bums have been doing this for as long as there have been dumpsters, the freegans base their lifestyle on the moral grounds. To a certain extent they have a point, one study shows that half of all food in the US is wasted. And the practice of freecycling is something that many young people (my AC, TV and dresser) do. However, the freegan.info website is mired in hippie clichés like the stance on squatting: “Freegans believe that housing is a RIGHT, not a privilege…and human needs are more important than abstract notions of private property.” Which reminds us all that reducing consumption and recycling are great things that we should all embrace, but if d-bag hippies want to live outside of society, there is plenty of space in Alaska and Montana where they won’t bother the rest of us.

Raise the Roof, Raise the Whole House, Too:

This weekend Harvard Law School dropped $1 million to move a couple of old Victorian houses. Mass. Ave between Harvard and Porter was shut down for the entire weekend while the houses, which will become law school dorms, were lifted, put on wheels, and rolled three blocks down the street. The process required all wires that crossed the street to be removed as the historical homes were moved.

Which reminds me of another house that was recently lifted. According to recent reports Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens and his son are being investigated by a grand jury for receiving illegal considerations. These include Veco, an oil company, paying for an expansion on Stevens’ Alaska home in exchange for (among other things) getting Pakistan to pay Veco the $70 million it owed for pipeline construction. The unconfirmed reports are that Stevens had the first floor of his home raised and a floor built underneath it.

This story has been covered closely by the TPMMuckraker.com, a great political blog by the people behind the Talking Points Memo. Also check out the Daily Show’s “Coot Off” between Ted Stevens and West Virginia Sen. Robert Byrd. And yes, they really are the people running this country.

With So Much Drama in the L.B.C...

There's a lot going on in the world today: Two civil wars in the Middle East, gas prices skyrocketing, the Supreme Court telling us that suspending habeas corpus is unconstitutional, the bees dying, the Celts stuck with the 5th pick and the prospect of giving up Big Al Jefferson, I thought Id include some lighter items.

Mining for Gold in a Chinese Warcraft Sweatshop: An article in the NYTimes Mag this past Sunday exposed an interesting phenomenon of the burgeoning virtual economy. Young men work 12 hr shifts, 7 days a week playing massively multiplayer online games, earning points and then selling them to Western gamers. It’s an industry that is estimated to employ about 100,000 people and be worth almost $1.8 billion dollars worldwide. And fascinatingly, it demonstrates the economics of 21st century globalization to an almost textbook effect. When the game manufacturers cracked down on the sale of credits through eBay the exchange rates jumped sharply.

The Mundanity of Modernity: One of my favorite recent finds on YouTube is “Tales of Mere Existence.” The brilliantly simple animation and crisp, realistic internal dialogue is at once witty, lugubrious, and all too familiar.

Holy Truck Nuts! It's the end of electricity as we know it.

Wi-tricity: Just blocks from the FJP’s headquarters, engineers at MIT have found a way to transmit electricity wirelessly. While still in its early phases, they were able to light a 60-watt bulb from 7 feet away. The implications are incredible: the end of electrical cords in the home, recharging your cell phone on-the-go, and a lot more free radicals going through our bodies. 
(Link is courtesy of engadget, a leading electronics blog that provides detailed technical and consumer reviews of emerging technologies.)

Digg Douglas! Not the classic video game Dig Dug, but it's one of the most up-and-coming sites on the internet. Digg.com allows users to "digg" the best/most useful/entertaining web pages they visit. Links are then posted to Digg where you can see what pages are being linked the most. It's like my favorite feature on new sites, the most emailed stories, but for the entire internet. Also, it just led me to this great Erin Andrews tribute video.

Truck Nuts: Last weekend, on the way to Suffolk Downs, I noticed a black pick-up truck with a number of accessories: a 666 decal, a silver head with red eyes on the trailer hitch, and what appeared to be a plastic sack hanging from the bumper. My friend Marc informed me that they were truck nuts. And as surprised as I was that he knew about truck nuts, I was more surprised that he did, and a little upset that he hadn’t told me about them sooner. (Warning: link to Mr. C.O. Jones website where you can "Get The Swingin'est Cojones, Truck Nutz, Bulls Balls & Truck Nutz (sic)" may not be office appropriate.)

FJP Links and Thinks:

Bron Bron tells FJP to “Commit it.” In a response to the sports section’s lambasting of his lack of effort, LeBron James silenced critics by exploding in the final 2 games of the Eastern Conference Finals and catapulting his Cavs into the NBA Finals with the San Antonio Spurs. Our B.

Talkin’ About My Generation: Nadira Hira wrote an interesting article last month in Fortune about Gen Y (that’s what they're calling us 20-somethings now) in the workplace. The consensus is that we are loud, obnoxious, talented, and incredibly ambitious. Working in a young office, I can agree. It almost seemed that the management stopped hiring white males just out of college, perhaps we were getting a little rowdy with fantasy sports trash talk, or crude while rehashing the previous weekend’s antics.

Google Street View: Google, the official search engine, blog host, and email service of the FJP has added a new service to their maps application. Street View is available in for a couple cities. Using a car with a 360 camera mounted on top they were able to form a mosaic of places such as the Vegas Strip, South Beach Miami, or Fifth Ave in Manhattan. Its pretty cool, but a couple blogs, like Mashable.com, have raised concerns about people’s right to privacy while they're in public, or to be photographed in public. This blog post on BoingBoing prompted an article in the NYTimes last Friday.

Basebol been berry good: Clemens’ Strained Right Groin just became an all-time classic fantasy team name. Sox-Yanks weekend never disappoints. Also, who thought that Lou Pinella would be the steady hand needed to right the troubled ship of the Chicago Cubs?

It sucks to work for the Man, but his paychecks don’t bounce: Great pseudo-commencement address by Daniel Brooks in the Boston Globe. His main point is that its no longer realistic to try to work for a non-profit or start a small business and try to live in Boston, NY, SanFran, etc. College, adjusted for inflation, cost us 3 times as much as our parents paid (and they got a lot more grants than we did).

Mayberry Machiavellians 'member Memorial Day

"The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. Only today, it is the fetid stench of corruption that hangs in the air." - Lisa Simpson in "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"

On this Memorial Day, the traditional media will focus on the war in Iraq and the senseless sacrifice of our brave and honorable soldiers there. And it would be trite on this day to impune their mission. Suffice to say, that the democracy they are defending has been blighted and dishonored with cronyism and politicization of our laws by those charged with faithfully executing them.

I am refering to the recent scandal at the Justice Department where a number of federal prosecuters are alleged to have been fired for political reasons. While dismissals of appointments have in the past been matters of scandal (Andrew Johnson's impeachment), and the whole of the executive staff "serves at the pleasure of the President," there is no precedent for firing US Attorneys in the middle of a term. This makes the motives important. Throughout the last two months top officials from Justice have been called to testify in front of Congress. At question is: what was the reason for the firings, and who made the decisions?

Those questions are straightforward and can probably be pieced together from the recent memories of the Justice officials and their emails and memos. Except the Attorney General, a brilliant lawyer and career bureaucrat, had trouble remembering who was involved in the decisions, but was pretty sure it wasnt him. It may have been his Deputy AG Paul McNulty or Chief of Staff Kyle Sampson. Was the White House involved? Its tough to tell. The White House Liaison, Monica Goodling, a vivacious blonde and graduate of Pat Robertson's Regent University Law School, could not recall what she told the White House political staff, and in particular, then White House Counsel Harriet Miers, about the potential dismissals. Likely she did not want to perjure herself, as any practiced lawyer giving testimony would...except she's not. Right after graduating law school she took a job slinging mud for Bush's campaign and then moved up through the press office to the executive office, to Justice. I digress. Goodling was granted immunity for her testimony where she subsequently admitted to "crossing a line" with respect to the civil service rules.

Thats as close as the buck comes to stopping these days. A truly disturbing anecdote was relayed through former Deputy Attorney General James Comey in one of his testimonies before Congress. Comey was the acting AG when John Ashcroft was hospitalized for cancer treatment. Apparently, the White House needed certification of their NSA domestic wiretapping program by the Attorney General. Comey had refused, seeing it as unconstitutional. So then-Chief of Staff Andy Card and then-White House Counsel paid a visit to Ashcroft's hospital to get his certification on the program, which was thwarted by Comey's intervention.

You cant make this $h!t up! This is the most Machiavellian administration in history. Setting aside Bush and Cheney's relationship to the military contractors and oil companies that have profited enormously from the war and geo-political events set into motion by the administration, its apparent they have a "give a f@%#" attitude to the Constitution, Congress, and the American people at large. You have to wonder how history will judge this time in American history where our duties to future generations environmental well-being were tossed aside, and our international reputation tarnished hopefully not irrevocably. But as Bush said to Bob Woodward: "History. We dont know. We'll all be dead."

No $h!t.

Happy Memorial Day. Ill put up some happier links and ideas in the next few days.

Move Celtics to Vegas, Its Baseball Season Now

It’s a sad day in Celtic Nation (if there is such a thing) as a chance to have Oden or Durant in green evaporated last night with a swift kick to our collective junk. My conjecture is that since the system is so complicated with thousands of numbers and a machine selecting balls, that there is no way it’s not fixed. The league might be punishing the Celts for their deplorable ownership and management, or indifferent fans.

At any rate, its where do we go from here time: Should the C’s blow up the team? It might not be a bad idea. Pierce wants to win, we have Ratliff’s expiring deal, and a lot of young moving parts. Also, there’s a chance Yi Jianlian or Joakim Noah will still be at the five spot.

One interesting tidbit, though. Deebs Mullen sent in an email yesterday stating that on May 22, 1843, a wagon trail of 1,000 settlers started off on the Oregon Trail. 164 years later the Portland Trail Blazers received the first pick despite having only a 5.3 percent chance to do so.

I’ll look to get away from the NBA in the next couple days since there’s been a lot more (though equally frustrating things) going on.

10 Things I hate about LeBron James

With the Suns losing this weekend, the NBA Playoffs are in LeBron James' hands. If he becomes Superman and lifts the Cavs to a victory, then the NBA could pull some decent ratings. Unfortunately I'm less than confident that LeBron can submit the minimum of 4 superhuman performances required for the Cavs to escape this round. I also think the Pistons are a smart enough team to see what the Spurs did to Steve Nash, and how it ended up affecting the series. I think one of Jason Maxiell's elbows has LeBron's name on it and he wont be able to shake it off like Nash did.

Not to mention, I've been waiting patiently for four years for LeBron to step it up. This season was my breaking point, I hate LeBron James. These are my reasons:

1. He's not clutch
After the Nets had gone on a 14-0 run in the third quarter and LeBron
came back in the 4th and the Cavs facing a deficit, LeBron did what all the great do: took a pass from the point guard and stood on the wing quickly darting his head back and forth. Once the game was in hand, LeBron decided to turn it on and pad the stats. To be fair, I'm pretty sure Flip Murray might be the best player he's run with over the last two years and Carlos Boozer decided to abandon him for the whiter pastures of Mormon fraught Utah (which speaks volumes about the city of Cleveland).

2. He hasn't called for Doc Rivers' head
I have to assume that if the Global Icon spoke up, Doc wouldn't cancel practices to check out his son play 4mpg for Georgetown anymore. Although, if he wanted to do something about his current coaching situation first, I would forgive him. At least Doc Rivers has a good "let's go!" clap and he smiles like a Mongoloid after a bad call. Mike Brown looks constantly overwhelmed. Nothing about the man inspires confidence and he looks like he could curl into a ball and start sobbing at any moment. Cavalier brass should just put him in one of those jumpers that you put a baby in. I've never seen a baby look concerned while bouncing around in one of those.

3. He doesn't dominate inferior competition
I understand the whole "save yourself for the playoffs" mentality, but when your 6'8 245 and the average guy who's guarding you is 6'6 210, through physics alone, you should be able to do some serious damage everynight.

4. He makes me hate Kobe Bryant less
Congrats LeBron, you may not be able to get a shot off with the game on the line, but you can make he hate a guy who raped a girl and then minutes later attempted to throw one of the 5 best Centers of all time under the bus a little less.

5. He re-signed with Cleveland
You could probably blame Isiah Thomas for this one. If he hadn't been busy trading any asset he had for the likes of (according to my main man Tommy Heinsohn) "fat" Eddy Curry, you could have created some cap space and compiled some lottery picks and LeBron would have walked to MSG. Now Cleveland fans are into the whole "he re-signed with us! He's going to be a Cavalier for life!" mindset. Now they get to watch him carry a team of corpses to the Eastern Conference Finals for 3 more years and just as he's reaching his peak, promptly leave town.

6. He cares as much about his Microsoft stock as he does about basketball
"I think I've grown as an individual and a businessman," and my free throw percentage has regressed to 70%!

7. He jumps around like Ronnie James Dio before tip-off
You've seen him do it, and if you haven't, watch Sportscenter. They've made the conscious decision to show his "slap powder on his hands and get the crowd psyched up" routine before every Cavaliers highlight. The man who's tried to ruin Black Sabbath for the past 27 years does the same thing on stage. God I hate Dio.

8. He doesn't play defense
LeBron is such a liability defensively that the likes of Eric Snow and Ira Newble have gotten bit time minutes for the Cavs. If he could cover this up by playing better help defense that'd be one thing, but that's not the case. At this point in his career and with his athleticism, he should at least be an average defender.

9. He doesn't wear those cool stickers that cover his tattoos like he did in high school anymore
This one's selfish on my part and probably varies based on your opinion, but I think LeBron needs a better ink man. Shaq's Superman tattoo leaves an impression. I don't even know what's going on with LeBron's ink. Unless his rationalization is, "I was in Vegas, I had been up for 50+ hours, was drinking grain alcohol and experimenting with peyote" then I just don't get it.

10. He's not MJ
Competition seems to be like crack to Michael Jordan. Between his multiple comebacks, his attempt to play baseball and his affection for card games, Jordan wants to beat someone in anyway that he can. There's still time, but right now LeBron seems to have no motivation or reason to crave competition.

As my associate jbg pointed out, Jordan was cut from his High School basketball team which motivated him. I agree, but I also think that it has more to do with the fact that LeBron grew up 20 years later and things have completely changed for High School basketball players. I first heard about LeBron James when he was in 9th grade, I've known about Greg Oden for about as long and I first heard about OJ Mayo when he was in elementary school. Its been written about ad naseum, but with the current system, players competitive spirit is slowly diminishing. Its not just LeBron, its everywhere. Fans care way more then the players do. Perhaps a Jason Maxiell flying elbow would....

I'm also pretty sure he's responsible for all the missing bees. I'm still piecing it all together and don't want to be libelous, so I'm holding back on that one for now.

NBA Playoffs Flop

The NBA playoffs are over. Golden State got knocked out Tuesday night by a less-than-compelling (even if Derek Fisher's daughter has retinoblastoma, they still play a ho-hum brand of basketball), though talented Jazz team. Phoenix was legitimately jobbed by the refs, first by letting Nash get smacked around (face, balls, whatever) despite playing his heart out, and then by suspending Diaw and Stoudemire for game 5 (which ended up being a gritty effort by the Suns in front of the home crowd. Kurt Thomas played the game of his career and but was clearly overmatched on the defensive end). In game 6, it looks like the series has taken its toll on Nash with uncharacteristic turnovers. Still, he hit big shots late and played with unparalleled passion. Its like that line from Rudy: “if I could put your heart in Lebron’s body…”

In the last week Ive gone from being indifferent to the Spurs to hating them. Duncan’s quiet superstar thing is tired and Manu Ginobili is every soccer-loving Euro-trash flopper I hate, and as Bill Simmons wrote Wednesday, Bruce Bowen may be one of the cheapest players of our generation (although j'aime Tony Parker toujours!). Unfortunately, the 2007 NBA Champion Spurs do everything right. And I mean everything. Their D is tenacious and closing the series at home, Parker and Ginobili both scored 30+ and Duncan was a block short of a triple-double.

Back East, LeBron James has been taking a lot of flack. In game 5, I dont think he broke a sweat (it was tough to tell though; the bartender didnt feel like seeing if the game was on in HD) in their shot at a home elimination game. Sure the Nets grabbed a big lead in the third, but the two teams went a combined 4-32 from the field in the 4th! Arent they all professionals?! That sounds like an opening round of the Special Olympics wheelchair tourney (too harsh?). This should be Bron-bron's coming out party, the stage is set, there's nothing else going on in the East. After the game, he said that he had more important things than basketball to worry about, namely his family. His girlfriend, who is eight months pregnant with his second son, was taken to the hospital at halftime. As he was sitting press conference he didnt know what was wrong with her. I’ll give him a brief pass on that because we all gots to take care of our baby’s mommas.

Last night in game 6, Bron did put up 23-8-8 as the Cavs closed out the series on the road. Really he was most conspicuous by his absence when their 15 point halftime lead disappeared as he rode the bench with 4 fouls.

Lebron's biggest problem is that his stated goal is to become a global icon. Only he's been told he would be one since he was 12 years old. MJ got cut from his high school basketball team. Gilbert Arenas wears 0 because thats how much his college coach told him he would play. He signed a $90 million dollar Nike deal while he was still in high school. He's got no fire in the belly.

The FJP is pleased to welcome a new sports editor on Monday.

- Face